A Whirlwind

Today I am experiencing such a whirlwind of emotions.

The excitement of going overseas is now being overwhelmed with this sense of sadness and self-doubt.

Although I know the volunteer service will be life-enriching experience for me, and for the Deaf youth and community that I will work with in Kenya, I realize my departure has simultaneous effect on those I hold dear to me but I will leave behind.  I absolutely believe that their lives will continue to grow and enrich; however, the hardest part is that they will occur without me.  I fear I would suddenly become an outsider to my family and friends for the next two years, and beyond.

Today, these thoughts and a dialogue I had on this subject with my dear friend brought me nothing but this certain sadness.  I will be missing out some simple things in life, such as watching Amanda graduate from her graduate studies at Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI), helping Sami settle down at University of California San Diego (UCSD) among other things.  Although I have half-heartedly joked with my girls, that in theory, they could each have two kids before I return (18 months compared to my 27 months of service), this is a reality that I will have to live with.

I have spent two and half weeks with my folks in Florida recently, and I certainly hope I left them in good health and spirits.  I may not be able find the time to visit my sister in California.  In seven weeks, I will be leaving my friends and a dear close friend behind, and I certainly hope the closeness we shared would not fade or perish.

I worry if the life I left behind, even temporarily, would still be here waiting for my return.

I ask myself, even more today, whether I really am doing the right thing?  Am I being selfish?  Am I doing this just for myself?  Am I really willing to sacrifice all the human comforts I have here for the hardship I will expect in Kenya?

But the answers to these questions, rising from my inner self, continue to reinforce that this experience is correct, will be life enriching and will make me a better man, father, and friend for everyone.

With that, I trust the same powers-that-be that helped pave my way through my life quite well will continue to lead me the way.

I love you all, my family and friends, for your steadfast support in me and my adventure.